I hate to say this, but I think everyone, including myself, who is expecting AJ Styles to win the rumble or even be on the show, is probably setting themselves up for a major disappointment. Personally, I would love to see it, but I think it would be a much smarter move to promote his debut and then have the actual debut on Raw the next night. But then again, they call it fantasy booking for a reason.
So with that in mind, here are my predictions from start to finish...
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens in a Last Man Standing match for the Intercontinental Championship
[Mr. McMahon and Stephanie are backstage in the number drawing area]
Vince: You know Steph, given all of the carnage that's taken place on Raw in the last few weeks, I think it's best that I personally oversee these Rumble proceedings.
Steph: Dad, you're just full of good ideas.
Vince: Oh and speaking of being full of it, Paul Heyman! Come on in!
Heyman: Don't mind if I do. How are you this evening?
Vince: Good enough. But where is your beast, huh? Where's Brock Lesnar?
Heyman: Oh Brock's back in the locker room. I think that's the safest place for him to be at this time.
Vince: Haha safe? What, is the big, bad beast afraid of coming out? Well after the beating he took at the hands of The Wyatt Family, I can't say I'm surprised.
Heyman: Oh, you misunderstood, Mr. McMahon. You see Brock isn't hiding. It's not his safety that I'm worried about; it's yours; it's The Wyatt Family's; it's every other Superstar that dares to step foot in that Royal Rumble match tonight, thinking that they have any hope of walking out unscathed. As I told you and your little princess a couple weeks ago, Brock Lesnar should already be in the main event at WrestleMania. He never lost the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, and tonight, he will conquer and destroy every man who gets in his way. Brock Lesnar being in this match is merely a formality. So I tell you what, you line up any challenger you want, 'cause we'll be waiting on him at WrestleMania!
Vince: I think I need a shower. But I do like how everybody seems to be Royal Rumble ready. And speaking of The Royal Rumble, Alberto Del Rio!
Del Rio: Hola Mr. McMahon! I don't know what Paul Heyman is going on and on about. It's a good thing that Brock Lesnar is behind closed doors, because The League of Nations has its sights set on him tonight. Sure, he beat The Undertaker in Hell in a Cell. But what did that take out of him? What did the beating on Raw take out of him? I beat John Cena when Cena was at 100 per cent, and I took the United States Championship from him, Not only that, I put him out of commission. And if it comes down to it, I'll do the same to Brock Lesnar. I'm gonna squash him like I'll squash that little cockroach Kalisto. You're looking at the next WWE World Heavyweight Champion...but you already know that.
[Vince and Stephanie both look impressed, as Del Rio leaves]
Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto for the United States Championship
[Mr. McMahon is in the rumble drawing area with The New Day, as they're trying to teach Vince to dance, while chanting 'New Day rocks!']
Vince: Well it's no Stand Back, but you guys have got some rhythm. By the way, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your trombone two weeks ago.
Big E: It still stings.
Woods: Why couldn't it have been me?
Kingston: It's okay, Xavier, it's okay. Let's go win this rumble for the trombone (can't remember the name they call it).
Vince: Speaking of the rumble, have you guys decided who will be representing The New Day in the Royal Rumble match?
Big E.: Who?
(This continues for a little while)
Kingston: Wait, you mean to tell us only one of us gets to enter the rumble?
Vince: Well it is every man for himself, but I just couldn't have you guys duke it out with each other. I mean you're one hell of a trio! So who's it gonna be?
(The New Day get into a huddle and decide to play rock, paper, scissors, with Kofi getting the nod)
Vince: Well congratulations, Kofi! I know you'll do great. As for the two of you, just remember that New Day rocks! New Day rocks!
[The New Day keep the chant going right out the door, as the segment ends]
[Dean Ambrose is being attended to by the doctors backstage, and as they're bandaging him up, Kevin Owens attacks him from behind and powerbombs him on top of the examination table. Owens gets a few more shots in, until security steps in to hold him back]
Owens: It's over when I say it's over, Dean!!!
The New Day vs. The Usos for the WWE Tag Team Championships
[The pay per view panel give their thoughts and predictions for The Royal Rumble match]
Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch for the Divas Championship
[Jojo is outside the trainer's room backstage]
Jojo: Ladies and gentlemen, I am outside the trainer's room at The Amway Center, where Dean Ambrose is being attended to by medical personnel after the earlier attack by Kevin Owens. At this point, doctors are saying that the injuries that Dean Ambrose has sustained are too severe, and it doesn't look like he will be participating in the Royal Rumble match later this evening. I'll let you know if I hear anything else. Gentlemen, back to you.
[The announcers reveal their picks for the rumble]
The Royal Rumble match
Roman Reigns comes out as number one, and is soon joined by the second entrant, The Big Show. Show tosses Reigns around like a rag doll in the early going, but Reigns eventually makes a comeback. He hits Show with the superman punch and then spear him. As the clock prematurely counts down to number three, Reigns signals that he is going to throw Big Show over, until Vince McMahon's music hits. Vince comes out to the stage in his wrestling attire, teasing that he is the third entrant, but all this does is distract Reigns, allowing four new WWE signees (AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura, Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson) to assault Reigns much like the original Shield attack. Vince pretends to look surprised, but just as Reigns fights them off, Triple H emerges from the other side of the ring and breaks a sledgehammer over Reigns' upper back. Big Show then gets to his feet, and at the request of Triple H, he tosses Reigns over and eliminates him. Triple H, Vince and TBC leave, as doctors come out to load Reigns on a stretcher. Reigns refuses medical attention, and literally crawls to the back, in search of Triple H. This leads to the official third entrant coming down to the ring, and it is Luke Harper. Big Show and Harper fight it out for a while, until Konnor of The Ascension comes out next and receives The Warlord treatment, as he's almost immediately eliminated by Big Show. Neville is out next at number 5, followed by Stardust at 6 and Jimmy Uso at 7. Neville does an amazing crossbody off Big Show's shoulders onto the other three. Erick Rowan comes out next at 8, followed by Rusev at 9. Everybody teams up on Big Show at this point and tries to eliminate him. Heath Slater comes out at 10 and sees this, so he gets all cocky and thinks he's going to help get rid of Show. But Big Show manages to fight everyone off, while Slater is taunting the crowd. Slater turns around and walks right into the WMD knockout, and then Show tosses him out. Show then eliminates Uso, as Sheamus comes out at number 11. Braun Stroman comes out next at 12 and immediately eliminates Big Show, to the surprise of everyone. Stroman follows that up by eliminating Stardust, as King Barrett comes out at 13. At this point, The Wyatt Family has a stare down with The League of Nations. The LON start gaining the advantage, until Bray Wyatt comes out at 14 and eliminates Barrett. Jey Uso is out at 15, followed by D-Von Dudley at 16 and then Kofi Kingston at 17. The Wyatts pretty much have their way with everybody. Mark Henry comes out at 18 and is almost immediately eliminated by The Wyatts. Dolph Ziggler is out at 19, followed by the returning Shelton Benjamin at 20. Viktor of The Ascension is out at 21, and as everybody else in the match is brawling, The Wyatts are protecting Bray Wyatt. This leads to Brock Lesnar coming out at 22. Lesnar immediately squares off with Braun Stroman. Lesnar delivers three clotheslines, but the big guy doesn't budge, so Lesnar nails him with a low blow and then back body drops him over the top for the elimination. Lesnar then double clotheslines Rowan and Harper out as well. He then sets his sights on Bray Wyatt, pretty much destroys him and eliminates him. Lesnar then beats down everyone else. He F-5's Ziggler, who rolls under the rope to the floor. He then eliminates Viktor and then Uso. Lesnar then tries to belly-to-belly Kofi out, but Kingston hangs on and skins the cat back in, and then Lesnar clotheslines him right back out. Ryback is out next at 23 and eliminates D-Von, but is then eliminated by Lesnar. Kevin Owens comes out at 24 and is still selling the injuries from earlier, and he is quickly eliminated by Lesnar. After Owens is eliminated, Sami Zayn comes out at 25 and he and Owens start brawling in the aisle, before Zayn gets in the ring. Alberto Del Rio comes out at 26 and eliminates Neville, who I think would have lasted the longest, followed by Kalisto at 27. Bubba Ray Dudley comes out at 28. Lesnar is then triple teamed by The League of Nations, but fights them off and eliminates all three of them one-by-one. Lesnar then eliminates Kalisto. The Wyatt Family graphic then shows, and the lights go out. When the lights come back on, The Wyatts have Paul Heyman hostage at the top of the ramp. Lesnar doesn't know what to do, so he eliminates himself and runs up there to get to The Wyatts, but the lights go out again, and when they come back on, The Wyatts and Heyman are gone. Lesnar then runs to the back. This is more fantasy booking, but Daniel Bryan makes his return at 29 and he and Zayn team up to eliminate Bubba Ray. Bryan then eliminates Benjamin, and then has a great back and forth with Zayn, until Chris Jericho comes out at 30 and eliminates Zayn. Bryan and Jericho then have their own back and forth as the final two. Jericho applies the walls of Jericho, but Bryan uses the ropes to lift himself up and flips Jericho onto his back. Jericho runs at Bryan, who elevates him to the ring apron. Jericho swings and misses, allowing Bryan to score with a roundhouse kick, which stuns Jericho. Bryan follows up with a huge dropkick that finally eliminates him, and Bryan is announced the winner of the 2016 Royal Rumble and the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. After the match, Jericho returns to the ring and shakes Bryan's hand and then leaves. As Bryan celebrates with the title, Dolph Ziggler comes back in and dropkicks Bryan over the top rope to the floor, and it's then revealed that Ziggler was never eliminated, and therefore is the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion (I think this would be a great way to turn Ziggler heel and also create a new top heel to fill the void left by Seth Rollins)
So there you have it.
Here are my match predictions for Fastlane:
Dolph Ziggler vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in a steel cage match
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens in an ambulance match for the Intercontinental Championship
The Wyatt Family vs. The League of Nations in an eight man tag team match
Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Paige in a triple threat match for the Divas Championship
The Usos vs. The New Day for the Tag Team Championships
Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Neville in a fatal four-way match to determine number one contender for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship